Things I’ve learnt over the last month – Volume II

Here’s another list of semi-truths that I’m going to shove down your throats. Enjoy.

  • Children are too cool nowadays. I don’t like it. Why are you dressed better than me? You’re 10.
  • Netflix is the best/worst thing to happen to entertainment. And my social life.
  • Mcvitie’s ‘Boasters’ are a revelation.
  • The original ‘House of Cards’ series (set in British parliament instead of the White House) is ridiculously underrated.
  • Normcore is a confusing ‘trend’ (I’m using inverted commas to reference the debate within the fashion world on the validity of describing the promotion of simplicity as a trend.) Anyway, with this normcore business, how am I supposed to judge people’s apparent lack of flair when they might be purposely toning it down? It’s like the whole ironic hipster thing. Are you genuinely wearing ‘meggings’ and ‘Muggs’ and, even worse, are you genuinely using the terms ‘meggings’ and ‘Muggs’? Because that’s unacceptable. If you’re doing it ironically however….
  • If you read all of the last point, instead of skipping to this one halfway through, you have more patience than I do.
  • The best benefit of being ill is the constant supply of fresh flowers from friends and well-wishers.
  • I am undeniably and unacceptably unfit.
  • Loom bands are like heroin to children. For now, at least.
  • List articles are the new breed of non-article: quick and easy to write with little substance. This post is a case in point. (That’s not to say that all list articles are vapid and don’t require much work. Imagine how long it must take the good people at Buzzfeed to find/make all those gifs.)
  • Children have too much energy. Slow down, cretins.
  • In 3 short years of adulthood, I have progressed almost fully into an old fogey.
  • Laughter is indispensable
  • Everything that I do is annoying in other people.
  • Hypocrisy is only ok when I do it. When I do it, it’s cute.
  • A box of ‘Celebrations’ is not an appropriate wedding present.

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